Psychological Sabotage and Small Penis Sexual Performance

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We try to offer our readers a wide variety of topics that are interesting, thought-provoking and generate a lot of discussion and debate.  My wife and I love to talk and write about sex.  It’s not enough for us to just accept that something turns us on; we want to know why it turns us on.  Is there something about it that psychologically turns us on?  Is it physical or is it biological?  We find sexual exploration fascinating.  Along those lines, I’m sure the title of this post got your attention, and we are very curious to hear what your thoughts are on the subject.

When I recently published the article, Do You Wish You Had A Smaller Penis? I wanted to introduce a psychological aspect of that question, but didn’t want to muddy the waters and thought it deserved to be a standalone article on its own merits, so here it is.

It has been said by many, that our brain is our “biggest” sexual organ, and I believe that most of us would probably agree with that statement. I spoke to one of our followers recently who confessed that he could not get very hard during sex and was unable to provide any “thrusting” during intercourse at all.  I asked him if he felt it was a physical or psychological issue, and he said that it was psychological because he wanted his wife to cuckold him, and by being unsatisfactory in bed, it might increase the chances of it happening.   When I heard that, a light bulb went on for me, and I wondered, do we (small endowed men) psychologically sabotage our relationships, and if we do, is it consciously or subconsciously motivated, and how common is it?

In talking with my wife about this, we both agreed that another very common sexual problem that small endowed men have shared with us is Premature Ejaculation (PE).  This seems to be much more common among small endowed men than either of us would have thought.  Now, let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that men with PE are psychologically sabotaging their sexual performance because I simply don’t know, but I would be curious to hear from men who experience PE what they attribute it too.  Since there could be medical reasons (such as ED or PE) associated with performance issues,  I feel it’s necessary to add my usual disclaimer upfront that I’m not a medical expert, and would encourage any man who feels that they might have a medically associated sexual problem to seek help from trained physicians. Consequently, even though ED and PE could be either physically or psychologically driven, I want to avoid diving into those subjects too deeply because I don’t feel qualified to address them.  But, are there other, more obvious examples of potential psychological sabotage?

As I thought about it, I realized that I haven’t seen any studies or empirical evidence on this subject at all.  I have no idea how common it is, or whether or not it is more common among small-endowed men versus average or well-endowed men.  But it is a fascinating subject.  So, in thinking about it, I wondered if there were other examples of sexual sabotage that we gravitate to, maybe without even thinking about it or realizing it.  Perhaps there are, and might even include some of the subjects we talk a lot about on this blog for example:

  • Why do we crave SPT or SPH?
  • Why do we want our wives to use dildos that aren’t just larger than us, but substantially larger?
  • Why do we want our partners to “out” us?
  • Why do we want our partners to compare our very small penises with men who are supremely more endowed than we are?
  • Why do we love big pussy sex and “sloppy seconds?”
  • Why do we enjoy tease & denial and chastity?
  • Why do we wish we had even smaller penises?

Do we desire some or all of these things to underscore to our partners just how small and inadequate we are by comparison?  Do we subconsciously want them to desire, and perhaps even prefer larger endowed men?  Or, do we do it consciously, merely for a little SPT play to enhance our relationships?  To me, these are fascinating questions.

I had never pondered these questions personally, but in thinking about this article, I reflected on it from my own personal point of view.  What I thought was I would like to be able to say that my excitement and interest in all of these things was conscious – merely to enhance our SPT sex play.   But, if I’m honest with myself, I think many of them are subconscious, and examples of psychological sabotage efforts.  Why? Because I would love for my wife to be able to experience big cock sex.  I can’t deny that this is my ultimate fantasy and I think subconsciously, the smaller and more inadequate I feel, the more likely it is to happen.

For me, this was an important revelation.  The term psychological sabotage has a very negative connotation associated with it, but for good reason.  I don’t think it is healthy to sabotage a relationship regardless of whether it is consciously or subconsciously motivated.  The important lesson learned for me is that I can’t do anything consciously or subconsciously that is destructive to our sexual relationship.  As far as sex goes, I need to be the best lover I can be within my obvious limitations.   I need to compensate, be creative, imaginative and resourceful in the bedroom.   But, this doesn’t mean we need to stop doing any of the things listed above, but will now do them with a new light shed on them.  While I can’t deny that I would love for my wife to experience big cock sex, I can’t psychologically sabotage our relationship to make this happen.  I also can’t consciously push her in this direction either.  If it happens at all, it has to be something she wants to do and we need to agree on it in the context of our relationship.

Lastly, this is a fascinating and complex topic, and I would be very interested to know if any of you are aware of any serious research efforts on the subject.  How common is psychological sabotage in sexual relationships?  Is there any correlation between penis size and psychological sabotage?  Is there a biological component to it?  What are the typical examples of it? How does it affect relationships?

As always, I’m very curious to hear what others think about it, which leads me to today’s questions.  When it comes to your sex life:

  • Have you ever psychologically sabotaged a sexual relationship?
  • If so, do you believe it was consciously or subconsciously driven?
  • If so, what thing(s) have you done to sabotage your sexual relationship?
  • If you have sabotaged your relationship, what would you attribute it too: (a) Your desire for SPT, (b) You want to underscore your perceived inadequacy, or (c) Your desire to be a cuckold? (d) Something else?

As always, feel free to add anything else that you think is relevant to the subject, and we would enjoy hearing any thoughts you have on this fascinating topic.

Rougedmount: A Woman’s Thoughts on Sex, Relationships and Penis Size

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One of our longtime contributors, and also a fellow blogger, is a woman known as Rougedmount.  We really enjoy her contributions on our blog, and we thought it might be fun to do an interview with her that would allow her the opportunity to share her in-depth views on a variety of sex and relationships topics.

For those of you who have seen any of her posts, or checked out her blog, you know that she has an amazing gift to be able to express her thoughts on any topic. Whatever subject she writes about is always written with great clarity, rich in detail and vividly described.  She is also not bashful talking about any sexual topic and letting you know exactly what she thinks about it and why.  I know the guys on this blog really do enjoy reading an “unfiltered” view of what women really think about penis size, sex and relationships.  From that standpoint, her contributions are invaluable to all of us.

We hope you enjoy this interview with our fellow blogger and friend, Rougedmount!

Interview Questions:

  • Can you provide us with a little bit of your background?

I am attractive by some standards and generally get unwanted attention for my appearance. I certainly do not need any of the extra attention my looks combined with my words, would bring me. I think how I look has helped me to understand some of the issues a man with a small penis has. I am judged constantly on what people SEE and not what they experience. Some men LIKE my body type while others HATE it. I do not focus on those who don’t like me; instead I focus on the type of man who does. A man with a small penis has to do the exact same thing.

Who I am is complex. I am exactly the same as everyone else in that my history has shaped and defined me, but never broken me. I won’t allow it. I was an abused child, an Independent woman, I grew up too soon. I’m educated, I’m Alpha, I’m sexually submissive but only to men who are actually dominant and if they aren’t then I crush them verbally.

I get male attention. I am far from perfect but I have a presence and confidence that carries me. People always assume that “I’m someone”. I looked like Jessica Rabbit for a majority of my life and perhaps that has something to do with my disregard for my looks. People assume I am younger than I am and I have one word for them “sunscreen”. I was a child of the 80’s who didn’t look like it as I have always been ‘non-conformist’ as to what I looked like compared to others.

I can ride a motorcycle, a stick shift, a tractor and a horse all with equal skill. I sail, I kayak, I swim, I write, I sketch with Ink and do water color when I have time. I cook from scratch, I have a massive garden. I do all the home renovations and yard work.

My story is like many others. Married over 25 yrs. and was faithful for the first 22. Counselling, therapy, separation then reconciliation; repeat for 10 years. Learning he lied time and again. Learning that some things are too big to get over, even though you try for 15 years and realizing that you should never have tried to work things out in the first place.

I started writing online as a ‘diary’ and had no idea how blogging worked. I wrote for 2 yrs. before anyone read anything. One day I was curious about a little orange light that flashed while I was writing and had never seen it do that before and so I clicked on it. WOW. People could see what I write and had been commenting. There was a whole world in here I had no idea existed.

I write about my past, my present and my fantasy. I have real life mixed in with stories. I write when something comes into my head and have discovered I have writers’ Attention deficit disorder. I am very focused on writing daily now. I need it, it’s cathartic. It helps me focus and grow.

I don’t have a writing genre; I am not focused on stats or style. I write for me and if what I say holds value for others, that both amazes me and inspires me to continue expressing myself.

  • You’re a regular follower and contributor of our blog, how did you find us, and what appeal or value does it have for you?

I can’t remember how I discovered your blog. I think based on how I normally find blogs, is that you may have posted something on one of my posts and so, of course, I clicked on your blog to read some of your material and know who it was who had an interest of what I was writing about. I am not a techie person (as you know) and so I have no idea how to search for certain topics.

To be honest, I never would have thought about searching for anything under “small penis” anyway. It was a topic I am more than familiar with and I thought would hold no real value to me. My spouse has one (a small penis), he kept it from me and I resent him for many years over it. I had to learn through trial and error over 17 years, what I could have read about in a few hours, if I had read your blog at the beginning of my marital journey.

Your blog gave me insight to something I had spent a lifetime, trying to figure out. It literally felt like I was seeing all the dots connect, so I could see the big picture, finally. Of course, the knowledge came too late for me in regards to my marriage plus it’s not exactly relevant as my spouse is 100% non-compliant and combative when it comes to discussing anything sexual. Even though it’s not benefited our relationship as I had hoped, it has changed things, and is changing things. I am just unsure of where they are going.

But that’s WHY I loved your blog so much. It was like I had access to other men, with the same issue my spouse had and in the various responses and conversations I read, I was learning what MAY have been going through his mind, if he ever thought to open his mouth and SAY something (anything), other than this brutal silence I’ve had to live with. I am a communicator, I need expression, and so his refusal has almost killed me. It’s damaged me in ways I can’t even find words to express.

The appeal your blog has for me is that it brings me understanding. It gives me the opportunity to express how I actually feel and then get honest response back…good and bad…which helps me grow as a woman. It’s let me appreciate men in a vastly different way than I had before and that’s been unexpected. It truly is a resource for me and I am sure many others who have marital issues, but don’t understand that they may come from a man’s image of himself and his small penis.

For years I ignored the fact my spouse had a small penis. Why would I focus on something that didn’t matter to me? I loved him, he sexually excited and pleased me and I married him because I never wanted to lose it. What mattered was he didn’t use his penis; or rather he stopped using it with me after I had kids. Once I learned that the way he acted may have had something to do with how he perceived himself, because of his penis size, it was an Aha moment for me. It won’t change my relationship with my spouse because he is adamantly opposed to moving forward, but it’s made me aware that I have to move on without him. How that will happen, I am unsure of.

  • What has surprised you the most about the small-endowed men who participate and contribute frequently on our blog?

The biggest surprise for me in reading this blog is how angry some men are at their penis size. How they blame the women in their past, the women in their future and project self-pity and shame about something they have NO control over. They seem content to remain uneducated about intimacy and orgasm and just want to focus on the ONE thing that is not possible for them, which is deep penetration and stretching a woman’s pussy by the sheer girth of a big cock.

Until reading this blog, I truly believed a man’s penis size was not something they focused on, other than in the normal aspect of penis pride that I ‘thought’ all men shared. I thought their opinions were similar to a woman’s when thinking about their own breast size. Meaning, big or small, wasn’t an issue past puberty. I had no idea a man’s small penis could impact a man’s entire sexual development or preferences. I certainly did not know that a man with a small penis would want to be teased or humiliated. That amazed me and astounded me. I came to understand the teasing and could see how it works. I learned very quickly that the opportunity was certainly there if you wanted to take advantage of it as a woman. For normal, competitive men, teasing is like being wafted with pheromones.

  • You have indicated that you are pretty open sexually, and as such, what sexual fetish, kink or fantasy turns you on the most and why, and would you ever try it?

Sexuality. It’s an awesome thing. I was virtually celibate for 22 years. Rediscovering myself has been a blessing and a curse.  Because so much of my life, the entire focus of my sexual desire, a man’s cock, was kept from me, all of my fantasies tend to surround anything to do with a hard cock or hard cocks and a man’s ejaculate. Having 1-2 lovers at the same time or having 4 men to service my sexual needs. Sigh…I can’t even start to type about it without going off on a tangent. I love a man’s body. I love how sex feels. I love when a man cums…love watching it seeing it, feeling it, touching it, tasting it. I know without a doubt I could easily live with 2-3 men and take care of all their sexual needs.

My ultimate fantasy would be to live openly in a cuckold relationship or even in a polyamorous one so I could have 2 full time partners, every single day.

  • If you were in a relationship with an attractive, small-endowed man who completely accepted himself, and was open to try anything, what would that relationship look like, and how would you expect him to compensate for his small penis size?

He would use toys on me 100% of the time before he entered me when we were at home. He would be willing to give me quickies when we were out in a public like situation, so I could feel the sweet slippery seed on my thighs when out. It simply makes me feel sexier to have cum on my thighs. He would 100% have to allow me to have lovers. My body requires penetration from a big male cock to be truly satisfied. Toys are only fine when a man is using them on me. When I need big cock sex, I need it. It’s that simple.

  • OK, I have to ask this question. When it comes to penis size, how important is it to you personally, and what is the ideal size for you?

Penis size: the best lover I have ever had, BY FAR, is perhaps 6 inches and of average thickness that is proportionate to length. He has smaller, tighter testicles. It’s not his size, it’s what he does. OMG…it’s what he does! The weight of his hands make up for any lack of weight between his legs. The demanding kisses take my breath away. By the time he enters me, he has made me so aroused that I am as close to death as you can get while still having a beating heart and even then it is skipping beats.

Jesus…his cock is an extension of his soul and when he enters me I could die from how much it fills me to every single place I never knew needed filling. And I think THAT is what a man’s penis size really is. Every woman is searching for the thing that fills her soul, the person who fills it and its why some cocks work and others don’t. Some cocks fit better because there is so much of the man in them that the size is irrelevant as they are the right size for the souls of the other person.

I’ve had much smaller and much bigger and nothing works as perfectly as this man’s cock. My preference for a cock NOT attached to this man, is about a thick 8 inches simply because I love the variety of sexual positions available and his girth will guarantee my immediate orgasm. Yes, I’ll be sore after. But that’s the point.

  • If a young, married woman came up to you in confidence and said that her husband had a very peculiar request – he wanted to be teased because he had a small penis, what advice would you give her?

This scares me. Many men ‘think’ they can handle it and can’t. Many men love the fantasy and push for the reality, they get the reality then they FREAK OUT. Here is what every woman needs to know. If you give him this request, if you give him the teasing or have it lead to an actual cuckold relationship, you HAVE TO be prepared to lose the relationship in the event it was too much for him to handle in real life. If you aren’t prepared to lose the man and the marriage in the event he DOES flip out, then don’t do it.

You cannot trust his word that he knows how he will react. He doesn’t know if he’s never had to face those feelings before. You have to have the patience of a SAINT in order for him to deal with his feelings and quite frankly, it is not going to be fun for you. He is going to struggle with accepting his own sexuality and you will be blamed and you will be resented and you will be held responsible for everything that he doesn’t like about how he feels.

Can your relationship survive you carrying it while he tries to figure things out? I would have to say that if you are verbally going to go down this path, then do it for years before you make any small attempts to transition it into the real world. Read books, watch porn together, change the lifestyle towards what you want to end up with and then start incorporating things gradually. This is the only way you can trust that he is actually ready for what he says he wants.

  • If you could offer any advice to a guy who has a small penis and you knew he was struggling with it, what advice would you give?

I am afraid I don’t have the patience right now to be kind about it. I simply don’t understand people who struggle with something you can’t change. You have a functioning penis that brings you pleasure. FUCKING USE IT.

Find someone who is aroused by it. Learn about fetish and kink. Appreciate toys and the hands you have to use them on people. Listen to how she responds and the things she says she likes and be grateful you have your hearing. Look at how wet she gets and how she spends time getting ready to be with you and appreciate your vision. I am NEVER going to be tall and leggy. I will never attract the type of man who likes tall and leggy women. Guess what?    I. don’t. care.

You will never be a heavy cock swinging, well hung bull who can pound a pussy senseless. FIND AN ALTERNATE ROUTE! Do you stand there at an intersection and carry on when the preferred road is blocked or do you discover a different road to take to get you to the same destination?  Just stop sitting there whining about the road closure and start to fucking drive!

A small penis is only an impediment to a man who lets it define him to HIMSELF. Women, a mature woman, knows what she likes and wants and will normally say if what you have is an issue for her. Be grateful she doesn’t waste your time or go about making her cum so hard she forgets what she said.

  • What is your opinion of more non-traditional relationships such as polyamory, cuckolding, swinging and Female-led relationships?

I have gone through a massive shift about my ideas on this in the last few years. Dramatic shifts. Life changing shifts.

Polyamory: while I know I could easily handle multiple relationships with multiple men, I do not think I could handle being in a relationship with a man who was with multiple women and still be in a committed relationship with him. This would play into ALL of my personal fears and insecurities. It would damage me because of my 27 yr. marriage taught me that no matter what I did or what I tried, I was not good enough. (I realize it’s not accurate but the brain works in funny ways).

Cuckolding: 100% in favour of it simply because of my past. I am highly sexual and I am highly frustrated when I don’t have sex. Sex for me is a mood stabilizer. It makes me a better person. I have no need to humiliate someone but I do have a need to speak honestly. This means that what I say in relation to cock size and feeling is going to be very open and will result in teasing for the smaller of the two men. I have to admit to being excited about having a deep emotional connection with one man while having my sexual needs met by the men who interest me sexually. Never thought that would be possible in a million years.

Swinging: It works for some people. They are far more open and honest in their marriages and relationships than I have ever been. Had my spouse been open, I may have considered it. But at this point, with this man I would be angry that he is giving to others what he withheld from me, for so many years. I would carry this insecurity with me into future relationships as it is a hardwired response now.

Female led Relationships: this one is big for me right now. In my marriage, I have to say, I was the one doing everything, managing everything, was responsible for everything. I initiated sex 100% of the time and was rejected 99.99% of the time. I became a very dominant woman because I had no choice. My nature is to be submissive to a man and his needs as it simply makes me happier to please him. As a result I have a hard time ‘taking’ or being sexually selfish. This is why I am currently trying to break myself out of that. It’s why I have recently started exploring a few things with a Submissive (capital S) man. I have to say, that his submissiveness actually pisses me off, which makes me edgier than I normally am. His passivity reminds me of my spouse in many ways (though my spouse was passive aggressive while this man is simply passive). So his actions trigger my response which makes me into a very demanding woman.

It’s easier to be bitchy to someone when you are annoyed with them for their very nature. Because I am not pretending or role playing, it is something this submissive man finds very arousing. To be honest, part of it arouses me as well. (When I am not being floored that someone is so passive and driven to please).

My sexual personality type is hard to explain. I am exceptionally assertive and demanding. I am very confident and bold…and if I have a man who is my equal and challenges me I stand up to it and become even more domineering. If I am allowed to do it, I will. But if I have a man who quietly and gently shuts me down with amusement that I even tried to be dominant with him…sweet Jesus…my physical reaction to it leaves no doubt as to who is wearing the pants.

I know my standard and if a man falls short of it, then I control the situation and always will. It IS my natural state of being and is not even thought about. The only way I could successfully manage a female led relationship full time, is if I also had a 2nd lover who would fuck me until I could no longer think. Because THAT is what I need in order to think clearly at all and bring balance back into my life.

It’s why the submissive man wanted me. I understand that some very strong men need their submissive side to come out during sexual encounters, in order to allow them to have the balance of being such a dominant personality in their real life. I know it, because it’s exactly how I am when I am with the right sexual partner who meets my demanding nature, with one of his own.

Thanks again Rougedmount for agreeing to do this Interview with us!


Would You Rather Have a Big Cock or a Small Penis (With Teasing)?

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I received an email from one of our readers asking me an interesting question.  He said, would you rather have (1) Steve with a Big Cock, or (2) Steve with a Small Penis – with teasing?  That was actually a great question, and I decided I wanted to share my response with our readers.

If you look at the question carefully it’s not just would I simply prefer Steve with a big one or small one.  If that were the question, I would choose Steve with a big one, but that isn’t the question. When you throw in the important (with teasing) part of the question, it changes everything for me. In this case, I would choose Steve with the small one – with teasing, and I really wouldn’t even have to spend a lot of time deliberating about it, but let me explain why.

If all things were equal, yes, I would prefer a “Big Steve” over a “Small Steve,” but the truth is I would be able to receive a lot of sexual pleasure from either.  But, if Steve had a big cock, I suspect he might not be nearly as focused on me as he is with his small one, and for obvious reasons.  Because he’s small, he knows he needs to compensate, and loves competing with the big ones, and he is so locked in on me and my sexual needs, it’s actually VERY exciting and erotic for me.  For women, it’s more than just a penis size, it really is a combination of things, and because Steve has a small penis, I think that has driven him to really, really want to excel in pleasing me, and as a woman, that’s a major turn on.  Don’t ever discount the mental stimulation for women when it comes to sex.

If Steve had a big cock, there would be no “Love Small Penis” Blog.  The value of this blog to both of us cannot be understated.  There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t talk about sex.  I also love the comments and emails I get from you “little guys,” and I told Steve recently that they turn me on probably as much as SPT turns him on, and I wasn’t exaggerating.  SPT and all of the associated activities is simply a lot of fun, and even arousing for me too!

Plus another reason why I would choose “little Steve” is, if Steve had a big cock, yes, I would love the big cock sex, but I would actually miss the little penis sex.  Since I have a long, thick dildo I get to enjoy both, so I really do have the best of both worlds as it is.  :-)

I’m curious to know how other women would respond to this question.  Would you “trade in” your husband’s small one (with teasing) for a big one?

Coming Up Short “The Perspective of a Black Man with a Small Penis”

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My wife and I recently had the opportunity to read a fascinating book by Marcus D. Nelson.  Marcus is a long time follower of our blog and because of his sexual experiences; he was motivated to write a book called, Coming Up Short, “The Perspective of a Black Man with a Small Penis.

Those of us with small penises know how difficult it can be to deal with this in our sex lives.  Throw in myths and stereotypes and it can really be a challenge.  For example, I’m tall, fairly well built and have always been athletic, and consequently women have always “assumed” that I would have a big penis.  Despite the fact that we know that height and body type has nothing to do with penis size that “myth” continues.  An even greater myth and stereotype is that all black men have big penises.  This of course, isn’t true either, but it’s something rarely talked about.  Fortunately, Marcus decided to be open about it and share his experiences.

After reading his book, we felt this was an important and relevant subject to bring up on the blog, and Marcus agreed to do this interview with us.  We hope you enjoy it.

Interview Questions:

(1)  Can you provide us with a little bit of your background? (I.e., age, body type, and penis size – just a general description is fine. Just share whatever you’re comfortable with)

I’m a Midwest guy—born and raised in Iowa. I’m 25 years-old, caramel colored, and have a semi-muscular, athletic body—about 170 pounds at around 5ft7 or 5ft8. My flaccid penis is just around 3 inches and sits on top of a small, tight nut-sac. Erect, I’m a little over 5 inches with a girth close to 5.25 inches. Because of my girth being a little more than my length, my penis has a stubby look to it and looks even shorter than it really is.

(2)  You’re a regular follower of our blog, how did you find us, and what appeal does it have for you?

I found Love Small Penis by just googling ‘small penis’ or ‘little dick’ this and that. About a year-and-a-half ago, I began looking for porn with smaller penises and websites that center around small penises. I like how Love Small Penis truly does cover any and every thing to do with small penises without watering it down. Love Small Penis is just really honest and doesn’t poke fun or focus on the humorous aspects of having a small penis, which is something society has a tendency to do it seems. The articles are insightful and keep me coming back.

(3)  What inspired you to want to write this book?

Writing this book had been on my mind for years, but I didn’t really know if I could do it or not, nor was I sure if anyone would even be interested in reading the perspective of a black man with a small penis. It seems to be a hard topic to find much about and there is so much to be said about and by the black men that don’t fit into the cultural myth or stereotype. It’s one thing for a white man to have a small penis—almost expected by some. However, when a black man is less than six inches, it is damn-near a crime.

I would have to say what finally pushed me over the edge to write Coming up Short was measuring my penis at 23 or 24 years-old and finding it hadn’t grown one centimeter since I was 10 or 11. Having a roommate with a huge penis (literally close to 10 inches erect and probably 5.5. to 6 soft) was also a big inspiration in a way. It is fascinating how different our perspectives and experiences are, as well as our preferences in sex period.

(4)  How has your view of your penis size changed and evolved over time?

Naturally, I wanted a bigger penis when I was a teenager. As I talk about in Coming up Short, I ordered penis enlargement pills when I was in middle school because I was basically petrified of growing up and having a small penis. Growing up, I listened to what teenage girls and adult women said about men. A small penis always seemed to be a negative mark for a man and it just scared me, especially since black men are “supposed” to having the biggest sizes.

Now, I love being a black man and not having the “big black dick.” I like not fitting into the stereotype and that’s mostly what I wanted to convey with Coming up Short. I used to see my penis size as a disadvantage, and maybe to some it is. Now, I see it as an advantage.

(5)  You wrote an entire chapter on compensating for your small penis. Do you think this is necessary and if so, how do you personally compensate for it?

I feel like compensating is necessary in life period. We all do it for something or another. This notion of “not having to compensate,” I think, is a little silly. However, society has taught us what is okay to compensate for and what isn’t. And I don’t think that is something society needs to decide for you.

I personally compensate for my size by being great at giving oral sex, using sex toys, and maintaining a nice body, among a few other things. Great oral sex definitely helps to level the playing field for lesser-endowed men. Sex toys (strap-ons, dildos, etc.) reach places I can’t that may need to be reached sometimes. The nice body helps with being more attractive. With all of those things, and some others, people can and will overlook a penis that may be less than they would like.

(6)  You describe yourself as bisexual and you wrote candidly about having a number of “same sex” experiences. In your view, who is more “size focused” men or women?

I have found that men seem to be more “size focused” than women. However, I do have to say that my same-sex experiences have only been with other black men. I have not been fortunate enough to have any experiences with white men.

A big penis is often equated with masculinity while a small penis is not. Since most men want a big, or bigger, penis, when they seek other men, it seems to be the natural thing to gravitate toward one with a bigger penis. This is to not say that women are not size focused, but in my experience, with black women I should add, they can be size focused, but not nearly as much as men. Women seem to let the emotional and character traits fill in the gap if need be, while men have been more about the sexual or physical.

(7)  In your book, you described being extremely turned on by “Sloppy Seconds.” What is the appeal for you personally and why do you enjoy them so much?

Sloppy seconds are the best thing since sliced bread! I think it’s unfortunate that they have a sort of negative connotation. I would have to say I have two reasons for finding sloppy seconds appealing: physical and mental. The physical feeling is really indescribable—silky, wet, gushy, warm. To be frank, it makes my penis feel like it is getting a soft, wet massage.

The mental appeal is the kick I get from knowing I have a small penis and I’m enjoying a well-fucked pussy—a pussy that “work” has already been put into by something longer and thicker. I’m enjoying the “rewards,” so to speak. I see men with huge penises in locker rooms or porn and think to myself: Damn, I want to feel a woman after he’s been inside of her!

(8)  If you could offer any advice to a guy who has a small penis and was still struggling with it, what advice would you give?

Like my former roommate said, accept your limitations. This isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it can be done and when it is done, life is just easier. With shorter strokes, for example, I slip out far less than when I try to do long strokes like men with long penises. Quite frankly, when a man with a small penis tries to overstep his boundaries, it only magnifies that he lacks in the size department. This can kill the mood, especially when the person may even be in to the man and his small penis.

I think when a man with a small penis opens his mind to compensating, either with toys or giving oral, or to other types of sex, such as cuckolding, he will find less of a struggle with his size. Many nights, my girlfriend grabs my butt in missionary, signaling she needs deeper penetration. I could get offended and ruin the mood completely, or be a man about it and get the strap-on or dildo. So, I say accept your limitations, open your mind, and be willing to try other things. For years, I tried to last longer than my usual five minutes (with a condom on). I only disappointed myself when lasting all night long clearly is not something I am meant to do. That time and effort can be spent on things that I am good at.

(9)  What is the best way for your readers to interact with you?

I’m kind of anti-social media. I think a lot of it is for show and is very superficial and doesn’t really bring anyone closer to you. Rather, I like people to simply email me: I love holding conversations with anyone that likes to talk about penis size and sexuality. No email will go unanswered!

(10)        For those who are interested in reading your book, where can they find it?

Coming up Short: The Perspective of a Black Man with a Small Penis is available exclusively on as an eBook. If the success of the eBook is what I hope it to be, I’d like to have copies printed and go to sexuality conventions and or conferences, wherever those are, and sell signed copies and interact with people on a personal level. Maybe one day I will be able to do this! Here is the link:

Thank you for the Interview!

What is Your Penis Size?

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We have never done  this on the blog before, and I thought it might be fun.  Most guys who have revealed their penis size with us in one place or another, but we don’t have all of you cataloged in one place.   Sometimes we are reading an article, and my wife will say, “What’s his size again?”  So, I thought it would be fun to have a “little” penis size competition and ask everyone to participate.

Here are today’s questions for both men and women.  Note:  If you’re a female contributor, please tell us about your partner’s penis:

(a)  What is your penis size (length and girth)

(b)  Describe your penis (include circumcised or not, your ball size, thick or thin, etc.)

(c)  What do you love about your small penis?

As always, please be as descriptive as possible.  Thank you!

Thank You!

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As we approach 600,000 hits, a mindboggling number to us, we just wanted to say Thank You to everyone who reads and comments on the Blog.   We have also received some very nice emails from several “lurkers” who have also been following our blog for quite some time.  It’s very gratifying for us to know, that even if you don’t leave comments on the blog that you are still stopping by frequently and reading what we write.  Of course, we always want to encourage you to share your ideas and thoughts with us on the blog, but if you feel uncomfortable in doing so for whatever reason, please feel free to contact either or both of us via email too.  We are always interested in hearing your ideas, observations and of course your suggestions for future articles.  Again, thanks to all of you who inspire us to continue our efforts.




The Appeal of “Outing”

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One of the most fascinating subjects my wife and I have enjoyed reading about is the interest so many small endowed men have expressed in wanting to be “outed.”  There isn’t just moderate interest in this topic; rather it seems to be something many small endowed men are really intrigued by.  I think most people would be very surprised by this idea, because I believe the prevailing wisdom is, if you have a small penis, wouldn’t the last thing on earth you would want is for others to know about it?  Yet, many small endowed men find this idea to be highly arousing.

When it comes to “outing,” there also seems to be two distinct types of this activity.  The first, and most common is where the female partner reveals the intimate knowledge that her partner is small endowed to others.  The second type is where the guy “outs” himself to others such as frequenting a nude beach or resort, or participating in clothing optional activities, etc.   Of course self-outing requires more discretion, because it would have to be done in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate.

We first touched on the subject of outing, in the article, “Why Do Small Endowed Guys Want to Be Outed?” which was posted on November 16, 2013.  In that article we listed a few of the possible scenarios in which a woman could “out” her small endowed partner, and we received a lot of responses.  Since we posted that first article, we have had many readers contact us or leave additional comments on the blog suggesting that another follow-up article would be one seeking specific suggestions on how to be “outed” in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate.

So, to that end, I have a few questions along those lines that I would like to pose to our readers.  Hopefully your comments will provide some insight into why being outed holds such a fascinating appeal for you personally and also gives some ideas and guidance to others who have expressed an interest in the subject.  So, here we go:

(a)  To get a better sense as to the WHY it turns guys on, the first question is:  What is it specifically about being “outed” that really turns you on?  (Be as specific and descriptive as possible)

(b)  Is there someone in particular that you would want to be outed to? Your wife’s girlfriend(s), a stranger or someone else?

(c)  Which type of outing turns you on the most – (1) Where your female partner outs you, or (2) Where you self-out yourself?

(d)  If you prefer being outed by your female partner, do you want to be publicly or privately outed?  For example, being publicly outed is taken to mean your partner tells someone(s) in front of you that you are small endowed – like the female clerk in an adult bookstore, etc.  Or, privately outed would be she reveals this knowledge to just one person like a close girlfriend privately without you present – but she tells you about it later?

(e)  If you prefer to self-out yourself, how do you do it in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate?

(f)    What is your ultimate small penis “outing” fantasy?   If you could arrange your perfect “outing” scenario, how would it happen and who would you be outed to?

In your response, please try to answer each specific question by letter, so there is a clear distinction between your responses.  Thank You!


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