Psychological Sabotage and Small Penis Sexual Performance

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We try to offer our readers a wide variety of topics that are interesting, thought-provoking and generate a lot of discussion and debate.  My wife and I love to talk and write about sex.  It’s not enough for us to just accept that something turns us on; we want to know why it turns us on.  Is there something about it that psychologically turns us on?  Is it physical or is it biological?  We find sexual exploration fascinating.  Along those lines, I’m sure the title of this post got your attention, and we are very curious to hear what your thoughts are on the subject.

When I recently published the article, Do You Wish You Had A Smaller Penis? I wanted to introduce a psychological aspect of that question, but didn’t want to muddy the waters and thought it deserved to be a standalone article on its own merits, so here it is.

It has been said by many, that our brain is our “biggest” sexual organ, and I believe that most of us would probably agree with that statement. I spoke to one of our followers recently who confessed that he could not get very hard during sex and was unable to provide any “thrusting” during intercourse at all.  I asked him if he felt it was a physical or psychological issue, and he said that it was psychological because he wanted his wife to cuckold him, and by being unsatisfactory in bed, it might increase the chances of it happening.   When I heard that, a light bulb went on for me, and I wondered, do we (small endowed men) psychologically sabotage our relationships, and if we do, is it consciously or subconsciously motivated, and how common is it?

In talking with my wife about this, we both agreed that another very common sexual problem that small endowed men have shared with us is Premature Ejaculation (PE).  This seems to be much more common among small endowed men than either of us would have thought.  Now, let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that men with PE are psychologically sabotaging their sexual performance because I simply don’t know, but I would be curious to hear from men who experience PE what they attribute it too.  Since there could be medical reasons (such as ED or PE) associated with performance issues,  I feel it’s necessary to add my usual disclaimer upfront that I’m not a medical expert, and would encourage any man who feels that they might have a medically associated sexual problem to seek help from trained physicians. Consequently, even though ED and PE could be either physically or psychologically driven, I want to avoid diving into those subjects too deeply because I don’t feel qualified to address them.  But, are there other, more obvious examples of potential psychological sabotage?

As I thought about it, I realized that I haven’t seen any studies or empirical evidence on this subject at all.  I have no idea how common it is, or whether or not it is more common among small-endowed men versus average or well-endowed men.  But it is a fascinating subject.  So, in thinking about it, I wondered if there were other examples of sexual sabotage that we gravitate to, maybe without even thinking about it or realizing it.  Perhaps there are, and might even include some of the subjects we talk a lot about on this blog for example:

  • Why do we crave SPT or SPH?
  • Why do we want our wives to use dildos that aren’t just larger than us, but substantially larger?
  • Why do we want our partners to “out” us?
  • Why do we want our partners to compare our very small penises with men who are supremely more endowed than we are?
  • Why do we love big pussy sex and “sloppy seconds?”
  • Why do we enjoy tease & denial and chastity?
  • Why do we wish we had even smaller penises?

Do we desire some or all of these things to underscore to our partners just how small and inadequate we are by comparison?  Do we subconsciously want them to desire, and perhaps even prefer larger endowed men?  Or, do we do it consciously, merely for a little SPT play to enhance our relationships?  To me, these are fascinating questions.

I had never pondered these questions personally, but in thinking about this article, I reflected on it from my own personal point of view.  What I thought was I would like to be able to say that my excitement and interest in all of these things was conscious – merely to enhance our SPT sex play.   But, if I’m honest with myself, I think many of them are subconscious, and examples of psychological sabotage efforts.  Why? Because I would love for my wife to be able to experience big cock sex.  I can’t deny that this is my ultimate fantasy and I think subconsciously, the smaller and more inadequate I feel, the more likely it is to happen.

For me, this was an important revelation.  The term psychological sabotage has a very negative connotation associated with it, but for good reason.  I don’t think it is healthy to sabotage a relationship regardless of whether it is consciously or subconsciously motivated.  The important lesson learned for me is that I can’t do anything consciously or subconsciously that is destructive to our sexual relationship.  As far as sex goes, I need to be the best lover I can be within my obvious limitations.   I need to compensate, be creative, imaginative and resourceful in the bedroom.   But, this doesn’t mean we need to stop doing any of the things listed above, but will now do them with a new light shed on them.  While I can’t deny that I would love for my wife to experience big cock sex, I can’t psychologically sabotage our relationship to make this happen.  I also can’t consciously push her in this direction either.  If it happens at all, it has to be something she wants to do and we need to agree on it in the context of our relationship.

Lastly, this is a fascinating and complex topic, and I would be very interested to know if any of you are aware of any serious research efforts on the subject.  How common is psychological sabotage in sexual relationships?  Is there any correlation between penis size and psychological sabotage?  Is there a biological component to it?  What are the typical examples of it? How does it affect relationships?

As always, I’m very curious to hear what others think about it, which leads me to today’s questions.  When it comes to your sex life:

  • Have you ever psychologically sabotaged a sexual relationship?
  • If so, do you believe it was consciously or subconsciously driven?
  • If so, what thing(s) have you done to sabotage your sexual relationship?
  • If you have sabotaged your relationship, what would you attribute it too: (a) Your desire for SPT, (b) You want to underscore your perceived inadequacy, or (c) Your desire to be a cuckold? (d) Something else?

As always, feel free to add anything else that you think is relevant to the subject, and we would enjoy hearing any thoughts you have on this fascinating topic.

Do You Wish You Had A Smaller Penis?

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I think it is fairly safe to say that virtually all small endowed guys, at one time or another, have wished, dreamed or fantasized about having a bigger cock.  Personally, I know there were times in my life when I would have done anything to have a big, 9” X 6” cock.  The prospect of being able to project the raw, masculine power of a big cock in the bedroom held a great deal of fascination and appeal for me.  I no longer feel that way now, and am actually quite comfortable and content having a small one, but I can’t deny that there was a time when I fantasized about having a big, stud cock.

A few weeks ago, my wife posted the article, Would You Rather Have a Big Cock or a Small Penis (With Teasing)?”  This article was a result of a question one of our male viewers posed to my Hotwife and we both thought it was a fascinating question.  In her response, she left no doubt that she preferred my small one – with teasing.  For her, the sexual and relationship possibilities of me having a small one (with teasing) are simply far greater than if I had a large penis even though it might be more sexually satisfying.  The reality is, she simply loves all of the SPT-related activities, and the added sexual tension and excitement we have as well as my laser focus on her.  So, when I thought about her answer, it honestly didn’t surprise me at all.  Indeed, you can have a lot of fun with a little penis, and I can tell from the positive attitude of many of our “little” followers, that they know this is true too!

Recently, a number of small endowed men have indicated through comments on the Blog, and via personal emails, that they wished that they were even smaller than they were.  We both found this to be a fascinating admission.   I think this notion would thoroughly confuse a lot of people, especially women.  I believe most women would assume that if a guy had a small penis and he could change its size, he would automatically opt for a bigger one.  Interestingly enough, we have even had one woman pose us this same question, because her husband had confessed this to her and she was curious how common it was.

So why would a guy who already self-identifies as having a small penis want to have an even smaller one?   We have thought about this and can only think of two reasons why a guy might actually want to have a smaller penis.  First, let’s say a guy really craves SPT, but he has a 6”+ penis, and his wife isn’t willing to give him SPT because she thinks his penis is big enough as it is.  So, he fantasizes about being smaller so that his wife would be more willing to give him SPT.  Similarly, maybe the guy has a cuckold fantasy that involves seeing his wife with a man who is very well endowed, but maybe because she already considers him adequately endowed, she is not interested in exploring this activity.  Thus, he fantasizes about being smaller so she might seriously consider it.  The only other example I can think of when a guy might actually wish he was smaller, is if he has a huge cock, and most women he has been with considered it too large. While this is rare, I have actually heard a few larger guys admit this.

So here are the questions of the day to both the men and women out there:

  • Have you (or your partner) ever wished your (his) penis was actually smaller than it is?
  • If so, why did you (or he) fantasize about it being even smaller?
  • If so, what size are you, and what size would you like to be?

As always, feel free to add any other thoughts on the subject!

 

Would You Rather Have a Big Cock or a Small Penis (With Teasing)?

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I received an email from one of our readers asking me an interesting question.  He said, would you rather have (1) Steve with a Big Cock, or (2) Steve with a Small Penis – with teasing?  That was actually a great question, and I decided I wanted to share my response with our readers.

If you look at the question carefully it’s not just would I simply prefer Steve with a big one or small one.  If that were the question, I would choose Steve with a big one, but that isn’t the question. When you throw in the important (with teasing) part of the question, it changes everything for me. In this case, I would choose Steve with the small one – with teasing, and I really wouldn’t even have to spend a lot of time deliberating about it, but let me explain why.

If all things were equal, yes, I would prefer a “Big Steve” over a “Small Steve,” but the truth is I would be able to receive a lot of sexual pleasure from either.  But, if Steve had a big cock, I suspect he might not be nearly as focused on me as he is with his small one, and for obvious reasons.  Because he’s small, he knows he needs to compensate, and loves competing with the big ones, and he is so locked in on me and my sexual needs, it’s actually VERY exciting and erotic for me.  For women, it’s more than just a penis size, it really is a combination of things, and because Steve has a small penis, I think that has driven him to really, really want to excel in pleasing me, and as a woman, that’s a major turn on.  Don’t ever discount the mental stimulation for women when it comes to sex.

If Steve had a big cock, there would be no “Love Small Penis” Blog.  The value of this blog to both of us cannot be understated.  There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t talk about sex.  I also love the comments and emails I get from you “little guys,” and I told Steve recently that they turn me on probably as much as SPT turns him on, and I wasn’t exaggerating.  SPT and all of the associated activities is simply a lot of fun, and even arousing for me too!

Plus another reason why I would choose “little Steve” is, if Steve had a big cock, yes, I would love the big cock sex, but I would actually miss the little penis sex.  Since I have a long, thick dildo I get to enjoy both, so I really do have the best of both worlds as it is.  :-)

I’m curious to know how other women would respond to this question.  Would you “trade in” your husband’s small one (with teasing) for a big one?

Cock Comparisons & SPT: A Woman’s Point of View

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As a woman, I have learned a lot about my husband specifically and small endowed guys in general through this blog.  One undeniable reality is they LOVE SPT.  Many of these same men also crave to have their penises compared to large dildos or big cocks, but what is the source of that appeal and why do they want it as much as they clearly do?  Let me try to explain to you why I think this holds such a fascinating appeal to so many men.

When I analyzed the results of Small Penis Teasing Survey, there were several things that really stood out to me.   One of those “eye openers” was the desire on the part of males who responded to have their penises compared with other males or their partner’s larger dildos.  The question was asked of participants to describe their interest in this activity on scale of 0 (no interest) to 5 (very high interest).  Almost 90% rated their interest at least as a 4, and 74% rated it as a 5 (Very High Interest).  I have since collected more survey results, and this activity continues to be consistently one of a small endowed guy’s absolute favorite activities.

The question that must be asked is why do so many small endowed guys like to be compared to other guys who have bigger cocks and what’s the psychology behind it?  This is a fascinating question because I think the prevailing wisdom of most women would be to not want to draw any attention to the fact that their partner didn’t measure up.  Why, because its taboo and they would probably view it as a degrading and humiliating thing to point out about their partners and this is indeed true for some small endowed guys who have not accepted their small penises. Yet, for many guys like my husband and the other men who responded favorably to this question, they do not feel humiliated or degraded at all; rather, they find it to be a source of intense eroticism.  But, why is it such a turn on?  Well, I can’t speak for you other guys out there, but I do know what turns my husband on and why.  When I provide Steve with small penis teasing, it’s verbal validation to him that he doesn’t measure up, and he simply loves it.  I have seen and felt his penis stiffen which is proof to me that it’s an intense source of pleasure for him.   When I compare his little penis with my dildo or other men’s cocks, it takes SPT to a whole new level.  It’s like going from the “Little” League to the “Big” League literally and figuratively.   It’s visual affirmation to both of us that he doesn’t measure up, but he simply loves it!    It’s one thing when a woman teases her husband about being small.  It’s a mental mind fuck for him, but when, for example, she places her much larger dildo next to her husband’s small penis, he just about comes on himself. The reason for this is, he already knows he has a small penis, but when he knows that you see the comparison with your own eyes and acknowledge the vast difference, he is excited like little else because he knows, that you know his “truth.”  You know about his “little” secret, but the fact is, he wants you to know about it, talk about it and remind him about it!

So, SPT and Cock Comparisons actually go hand-in-hand and provide the validation and affirmation that turns a small endowed man on.  But there is more to it than just that.   It has changed the whole dynamic of our sexual relationship.  By expressing his desire, indeed his need for this, he has in a sense, transferred all sexual power and control in the relationship to me, and I love it.  It’s like he wants me to know and acknowledge that I’m settling for less.  For us, this automatically kicks in Steve’s desire to compete for me and to compensate in the bedroom.  I didn’t even seek this power, but it’s almost as if he instinctively knows I should have it, and I have to admit that it is both powerful and exciting to me personally.  He is so much more focused on me, both in and out of the bedroom, and will do anything he can to please me.  To be honest, that is not only appealing to me it is also VERY erotic as well. So it is not only my small endowed husband who is turned on by this, I am as well!   I actually think if more women understood this dynamic there would be a lot more of it.

As a result of the great comments on our blog and many emails I have read from readers, I have definitely become more “cock centric.”  The reality is, I love cocks and penises of all sizes and find them fascinating.  And, as we have become more immersed into a deeper level of SPT, I have also realized I need to be doing even more cock comparisons with real cocks that we see online, in videos and X-rated movies, etc.  If you’re a woman who is already engaging in SPT or would like to, comparing your partners cock with others, will probably turn him on like little else.  If he loves SPT, doing cock comparisons will take it to a whole new level.  So, how do you do it?  Well, here are some possible fun things you could consider doing or saying that will definitely get your husband’s attention:

  • First and foremost, don’t be bashful in expressing to your husband you want to watch some “big cock sex.”  It may be intuitive that X-rated movies obviously feature well-endowed guys, but expressing an interest in specifically wanting to see “big cocks” will definitely get your husband’s attention.  This is especially true if you haven’t been “cock centric” previously.
  • Whenever you see a big one, estimate the size of it, by saying something like, “Wow, I think he’s about 8 inches long!”  Guys are size focused and always think in inches, so when you’re sized-focused, it really turns him on.Plus, it proves to him that you are “in the know” about male penis size.
  • Whenever you see a nice looking, sizeable cock, don’t be bashful in telling your partner what a nice looking BIG cock it is, and compare every detail of it with your partner, and be as graphic as possible.  Your partner will be turned on that you are being so graphic!
  • Along the same lines, if you see what you think is your ideal cock size or the perfect cock, tell your partner, especially if it’s bigger than he is.  He wants to know what turns you on and why, and he might just cum on himself!
  • Don’t be afraid to express a sexual interest in a big cock – even if you’re not interested in one. Why, because it really amps up his competitive drive for you. Saying something like, “I would LOVE to suck that big cock,” or, “I would LOVE to feel that big thing inside me,” will definitely turn him on too.
  • Also, don’t be shy in turning the tables.  Ask him direct questions and engage him in a cock discussion.  Some ideas might include:

o   “Honey, when you see a big 9” cock, what goes through your mind?”

o   “When you see a guy whose cock is soft but still much longer and thicker than yours ever gets hard, how do you feel?”

This is one of those fascinating topics that many small endowed men crave.  If your husband loves SPT, he will probably love cock comparisons.   By frequently comparing your lover’s small penis with big cocks will keep him constantly on his toes and probably fully erect too! :-)

Here are your questions:

Women: 

(1)  Do you compare your husband’s penis with other guys’ cocks?

(2)  If so, what is his reaction?  And if not, what stops you from doing it?

Guys: 

(1)  Does your wife compare your penis with other guys?  If so, do you like it, and why?

(2)  Does she do it enough or would you like it more frequently?

(3)  Do you have any suggestions of other cock comparison ideas that turn you on?

Do You Fantasize About Watching Your Wife Having Big Cock Sex?

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This is truly a fascinating question.  It’s a subject I have wanted to address for some time, because in reading comments from many other small endowed guys, this subject seems to come up frequently, and we are curious to know how common it is among our readers.  Ironically, it was a recent email from one of our female followers who urged us to address it openly because she and her partner are seriously considering exploring this “taboo” sexual experience.  So, in the spirit of providing superior “customer service,” we decided to offer this article as food for thought.

I think if the truth be known, many more men than anyone would ever suspect or even like to admit to, have fantasized about watching their partner having sex with another man.  How will his wife react?  Will she act more “slutty” with him than she does with me?  Will she have more orgasms, or more intense orgasms?  These are all questions that might run through a man’s mind who has contemplated this.  While I believe more men are curious about this than anyone could even imagine, I believe this a very common fantasy among small endowed men.  And, more often than not, this fantasy will usually involve his partner being with another man who has a bigger cock – not just longer, but thicker too.  This of course flies in the face of conventional wisdom because I think for some men the last thing on earth they would want is to see their female partner enjoying a much larger cock than they have, yet, for many small endowed men they are not only not threatened by this possibility, they are very much turned on by it.

When we ponder this issue, one question that might come up is, do women also fantasize about big cock sex?  I suppose the answer depends on the individual female. I’m sure some do, and maybe some women don’t necessarily fantasize about it as much as they merely contemplate it.  If she hasn’t had big cock sex before, perhaps after hearing all of the hype about it, maybe she is at least curious to find out if bigger really is better.  If she has had big cock sex in the past and it was pleasurable, perhaps she is interested in experiencing it once again.  In either case, if the male partner opens that door, they may consider it as a possibility.

For some couples who jointly share this fantasy, a common solution is bringing a large dildo into the bedroom, or the small endowed male may use a strap-on cock or penis extension.  These options can of course, be a lot of fun, and are obviously less complicated than introducing a third person into the sexual equation, plus, it’s also a safer alternative as well. But for some couples, they may want to push the envelope and actually do it.

What is behind the appeal?  I’m sure the answer depends on the individual and the couple considering it.   My wife and I were reading a fascinating article recently entitled, “Take My Wife Please,” by Kai Ma.  While this article does examine the issue in the context of a cuckold lifestyle, it does an excellent job of briefly summarizing the psychology behind it.  And to be clear, couples do not even have to be in a cuckold relationship to want to do this.  There are many couples who are engaged in the swinging lifestyle that find this fascinating too, and to be clear, you don’t have to even identify with either cuckolding or swinging to want to experience this either.  You may simply want to explore it because you’re both curious about it.

So in an attempt to answer the primary question raised in this article, here are questions for both men and women to answer:

Questions for Men:

(a)  Would like to watch your female partner being serviced by another more well-endowed man?

(b)  Which statement is true for you?

o   This is a fantasy of mine, and it’s already happened or it will probably happen

o   This is a fantasy of mine, but will probably only remain a fantasy

o   This is not a fantasy of mine at all

(c)  If this is a fantasy of yours, what do you believe is behind your desire to see this happen?

(d)  If this is something you fantasize about or have made a reality, what is your preference in terms of the other male?  I.e. would he be a total stranger, a friend you both know, a bull or lover, or an ex-boyfriend or other?

(e)  If you were to engage in this activity, what would be your ideal place of preference to watch them in action?  I.e., would it be your home or his, a neutral location, etc.

(f)    If you’ve had this experience in real life please describe your feelings of being “the voyeur”

Questions for Women:

Please answer the same questions as the man from your point of view.

(a)  Would you like for your male partner to watch you being serviced by another more well-endowed man?

(b)  Which statement is true for you?

o   This is a fantasy of mine, and it’s already happened or we are planning on making it happen

o   This is a fantasy of mine, but will probably only remain a fantasy

o   This is not a fantasy of mine at all

(c)  If this is a fantasy of yours, what do you believe is behind your desire to see this happen?

(d)  If this is something you fantasize about or have made a reality, what is your preference in terms of the other male?  I.e. would he would be a total stranger, a friend you both know, a bull or lover, or an ex-boyfriend or other?

(e)  If you were to engage in this activity, what would be your ideal place of preference to be watched in action?  I.e., would it be your home or his, or a neutral location, etc.

(f)    If you’ve had this experience in real life, please describe your feelings of being watched by your partner?

Final Question to both men and women, if someone asked you for advice on how to take this from fantasy to realty, what would you suggest?

As always, try to answer each question by letter so that your answers are easily understood and separated.  Thanks in advance for contributing!

What is Your Penis Size?

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We have never done  this on the blog before, and I thought it might be fun.  Most guys who have revealed their penis size with us in one place or another, but we don’t have all of you cataloged in one place.   Sometimes we are reading an article, and my wife will say, “What’s his size again?”  So, I thought it would be fun to have a “little” penis size competition and ask everyone to participate.

Here are today’s questions for both men and women.  Note:  If you’re a female contributor, please tell us about your partner’s penis:

(a)  What is your penis size (length and girth)

(b)  Describe your penis (include circumcised or not, your ball size, thick or thin, etc.)

(c)  What do you love about your small penis?

As always, please be as descriptive as possible.  Thank you!

The Appeal of “Outing”

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One of the most fascinating subjects my wife and I have enjoyed reading about is the interest so many small endowed men have expressed in wanting to be “outed.”  There isn’t just moderate interest in this topic; rather it seems to be something many small endowed men are really intrigued by.  I think most people would be very surprised by this idea, because I believe the prevailing wisdom is, if you have a small penis, wouldn’t the last thing on earth you would want is for others to know about it?  Yet, many small endowed men find this idea to be highly arousing.

When it comes to “outing,” there also seems to be two distinct types of this activity.  The first, and most common is where the female partner reveals the intimate knowledge that her partner is small endowed to others.  The second type is where the guy “outs” himself to others such as frequenting a nude beach or resort, or participating in clothing optional activities, etc.   Of course self-outing requires more discretion, because it would have to be done in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate.

We first touched on the subject of outing, in the article, “Why Do Small Endowed Guys Want to Be Outed?” which was posted on November 16, 2013.  In that article we listed a few of the possible scenarios in which a woman could “out” her small endowed partner, and we received a lot of responses.  Since we posted that first article, we have had many readers contact us or leave additional comments on the blog suggesting that another follow-up article would be one seeking specific suggestions on how to be “outed” in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate.

So, to that end, I have a few questions along those lines that I would like to pose to our readers.  Hopefully your comments will provide some insight into why being outed holds such a fascinating appeal for you personally and also gives some ideas and guidance to others who have expressed an interest in the subject.  So, here we go:

(a)  To get a better sense as to the WHY it turns guys on, the first question is:  What is it specifically about being “outed” that really turns you on?  (Be as specific and descriptive as possible)

(b)  Is there someone in particular that you would want to be outed to? Your wife’s girlfriend(s), a stranger or someone else?

(c)  Which type of outing turns you on the most – (1) Where your female partner outs you, or (2) Where you self-out yourself?

(d)  If you prefer being outed by your female partner, do you want to be publicly or privately outed?  For example, being publicly outed is taken to mean your partner tells someone(s) in front of you that you are small endowed – like the female clerk in an adult bookstore, etc.  Or, privately outed would be she reveals this knowledge to just one person like a close girlfriend privately without you present – but she tells you about it later?

(e)  If you prefer to self-out yourself, how do you do it in a way that is both socially acceptable and appropriate?

(f)    What is your ultimate small penis “outing” fantasy?   If you could arrange your perfect “outing” scenario, how would it happen and who would you be outed to?

In your response, please try to answer each specific question by letter, so there is a clear distinction between your responses.  Thank You!

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