Part 1: A Woman’s Guide to Creating a Cuckolding Fantasy World

cuckold-symbol - Copy

Has your husband ever given you the indication that he would like to watch you having sex with another man?  Have you ever had those thoughts yourself?  Have you heard of the term cuckolding, but aren’t sure what it’s all about?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, this article is for you.

Though largely considered taboo and sometimes referred to as a subculture, cuckolding is one of the fastest growing lifestyles in interest and popularity across the country.  Cuckolding is unknown or misunderstood by many, known and distained by others, and understood and practiced by a growing number of couples.  In its purest form, cuckolding is defined as the wife taking on other lovers with the full support and encouragement of the husband while he remains faithful.   When this happens, the wife becomes a Hot Wife or Cuckoldress and her husband is a Cuckold.  There is actually some debate over the terms Hot Wife and Cuckoldress.  Author Alex Hathaway who wrote a fascinating book From Housewife to Cukoldress actually addressed the differences between the two on her blog at http://alexcuckoldstories.fannypress.com/?p=2.  It is an excellent article and will provide you with some keen insight from a woman’s point of view on those differences.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term cuckolding and you do an Internet search, be advised you will discover there are many extreme variations of cuckolding that can include the wife withholding sex from the husband, bisexuality, male chastity, punishment, and a myriad of other unrelated fetishes.  This is one of the reasons why a husband who is interested in discussing cuckolding (in its purest form) to his wife is so hesitant.  He knows she will probably do some independent research to find out what this lifestyle is all about and might be horrified to find out what it might include.   For those interested in cuckolding there are a variety of good sites to gather more information, but you may have to sift through them to determine which ones are of value.  One such site is run by “Jinxy” a cuckoldress from North Carolina.  She has done several instructional videos called “Cuckolding 101” which are worth watching.   The reality is, cuckolding relationships are similar to any other kind of relationship.  There are healthier versions and less healthy version, and if you and your husband are interested in cuckolding, you can shape and design it to fit your needs.

If anyone doubts the popularity of this lifestyle consider this.   At cuckoldfantasies.com they have approximately 75 “mistresses” listed who specialize in the cuckold fetish.  And this is just one website.  There are dozens upon dozens of these websites sprouting up.  For there to be so many websites devoted to cuckolding, there has to be a demand.  The primary reason for this is obvious, there are a lot of men with this interest who feel uncomfortable (or embarrassed) to talk to their wives about it.  Despite this, their interest in cuckolding is so intense and undeniable they feel compelled to talk to someone who understands what they’re feeling.  In talking to these “mistresses,” cuckolds and those interested in cuckolding, believe they are getting something their wives may not or cannot provide.

 Cuckolding in reality is not for everyone.  Even for those who are interested in the lifestyle and feel they have good communication and a strong relationship may choose not to do it in reality for a variety of reasons.  A safe middle-ground is creating a cuckold fantasy world which allows couples to explore the lifestyle without complicating their day-to-day lives.  It also gives them a chance to enhance their relationship by removing the routine vanilla sex and replacing it with a much more erotic, intense and exciting relationship.  

If you’re a woman reading this, you should also understand the role of the penis in cuckoldry.  Men are obsessed with their penises, a fact most women probably already know.  But what do women think about it?  Without going into a statistical analysis, suffice it to say some women are unabashed size queens and will admit it, while some are closet size queens, but wouldn’t admit it openly.  Some women are “size curious” and may or may not act on their curiosity.   Some prefer an average penis – not too big or too small, while some actually have a preference for a small penis.  Of course some women don’t have a preference at all and can’t understand the whole male obsession over penis size.  Regardless of where you fit on this size preference continuum, if you are the least bit interested in cuckolding, you need to become familiar with this male obsession and why it plays a central role in cuckolding.

How Does Penis Size Influence Cuckoldry?

One of the myths of cuckolding is that only men with small penises gravitate to the lifestyle.   By virtue of the definition of what a cuckold is, it would be a natural assumption to assume that all or most cuckolds have small penises.   But is it true?

Surprisingly, cuckolding doesn’t appear to be the exclusive domain of lesser-endowed men.   Dr. Angela Lewis an Australian researcher collected surveys from 486 cuckolds, 680 cuckold fantasists (men who fantasize about being cuckolded) and 229 cuckoldresses (the wives of cuckolds) and the results are fascinating.  While defining penis sizes as Small (Under 5 inches), Average (5 – 7 inches) and Large (Over 7 inches), cuckolds, cuckold fantasists and cuckoldresses responded to the question, what is your penis size (or for Cuckoldress that of your husband) as follows:

Penis Size

Cuckold Fantasist

Cuckold

Cuckoldress (Husbands Size)

Small (Under 5”)

13%

24%

39%

Average (5” – 7”)

71%

62%

51%

Large 7” +

16%

14%

10%

 To be clear, cuckolding is more a state of mind than a penis measurement to be sure, but regardless of their size, one very interesting common denominator is they overwhelming want their wives to be with larger men than they are.  And cuckoldresses likewise prefer their lovers to be larger than their husbands.   Dr. Lewis also found out that 71% of the cuckolds interviewed like to be reminded that their wife’s lover’s penis is larger.

Nothing personifies this better than the article, “Take My Wife PleaseThe Rise of the Cuckolding Culture by Kai Ma.  This article describes the adventures of a middle age couple, Kurt and Christina.  Kurt is well built and possesses an above average 7 inch cock, but the couple both get off on Christina’s larger lovers.   Her current lover, Claudio, she describes as “Huge” 10 inches long and considerably thicker than Kurt.  In the same matter-of-fact tone that she uses to describe Claudio’s generous package, she says, “Claudio is hitting spots in me that Kurt isn’t.” Kurt nods in agreement, adding, “He fills her up. I love watching her react to his bigger dick because I can’t provide her that.”  The men they select need to exemplify masculinity in ways that Kurt cannot. He needs to be not only better endowed, but also alpha enough to make Kurt feel small, both physically and psychologically.  Kurt is turned on by the fact that the bull has a larger penis and his wife craves that.  He can personify the beta male role; even eroticize it, because he knows he’s not inherently inferior to other men.   As an alpha male in life, Kurt’s bedside compliance also serves as a refuge from his competitive, high-strung personality. “This is the one area in life where I can choose to be submissive.

A woman who is in the lifestyle as a cuckoldress put it more bluntly:

“There is nothing like having sex with an Alpha male who is aggressive, dominant, and confident and has a long, thick cock.  Believe me; your marriage will change…once you get more than the four inches your husband can offer you.”

There is even an Internet website which caters to people looking specifically to connect with well-endowed partners.   The ad database section for straight women looking for well-endowed straight men contained over 1,000 ads.  What is astonishing is more than half (57%) of the ads placed were from married women.  

Even though not all women embrace the bigger is better philosophy it’s obvious many do.  So, it shouldn’t be a shock to women to discover a cuckold husband assumes bigger is better, and he is more than happy to encourage his wife to have the experience.

The Psychology of the Cuckold

As mentioned above, cuckolding is more a state of mind than a penis measurement and there are definitely psychological components to it.  And, though the psychological aspects of cuckolding are complex and beyond the scope of this article, here are some of the basics.  The psychological dynamics of cuckolding are indeed fascinating, and often involve both submission and humiliation.   If you ask women to describe their ideal man, most will invariably include the world “alpha” in the description.  Unfortunately not all men are alpha males, and some men like Kurt, are alpha outside the bedroom but crave to be submissive in the bedroom.

Many cuckolds go through an evolution in terms of their alpha/beta sexual identity.  Society generally hold the alpha male in higher esteem than submissive men, and naturally submissive males go through life trying to exhibit alpha characteristics even in the bedroom, when in fact, they are submissive.  When they are openly allowed to express their sexual submissiveness they often express relief because they no longer have to pretend to be an alpha male when they aren’t.  There is power in discovering your own identify, and if you’re married to a sexually submissive man, the best thing you can do for him is to acknowledge it.

Most people unfamiliar with cuckolding would probably say it would be very humiliating for a married man to allow his wife to have sex with other men.  The humiliation component stems from the fact that the man is deferring his sexual responsibilities to another man.  Cuckolds don’t see it that way.  They instinctively know an alpha male that is better looking, better endowed and/or better in bed can provide his wife something he is incapable of, a sexual experience she will never forget.  If his wife is a willing participants, and her lover can reach parts of her body he can never touch, and she truly finds the experience to be incredible, her own enjoyment will excite her husband to no end.

Another dimension of the psychological dynamics of cuckolding is the power exchange between the cuckold and the wife’s lover.  For the alpha bull male he too will become very excited with this type of scenario.  First, he is fucking a woman whose husband is a cuckold, submissive, smaller endowed than he is and/or perhaps only adequate in bed.  Secondly, he will be fucking a married woman which of course is taboo and adds another layer of excitement.  These factors only serve to heighten the arousal of the alpha male who will be inspired to perform at his highest level ensuring maximum pleasure for the wife.   This doesn’t mean the cuckold wants to abdicate all sexual responsibility.  On the contrary, after being with her lover, the cuckold can’t wait to have sex with his wife.  Competing with his rival will bring out the very best the cuckold has to offer too!  But, simply put, the cuckold believes his wife is entitled to have sex with a stud male whenever she wants.

Cuckolds report feeling a rollercoaster of emotions including fear, jealousy, and anxiety all of which are trumped by the indescribable erotic intensity of it all. 

The Small-Endowed Cuckold

Though cuckolds come in all sizes and shapes and penis sizes, it’s not surprising men with small penises disproportionally make up the population of cuckolds.  Based on conservative estimates, only about 7% of the entire adult male population has a penis that measures less than 5 inches long, yet anywhere from 24-39% of men involved in cuckolding have a small penis.   Susan Gower, a Sex therapist & relationships counselor who explored the cuckolding lifestyle in her article, “The Science of Cuckoldry”said:   I have assisted many couples in beginning and maintaining cuckold relationships.  Among my patients, husbands with smaller penises were not only more agreeable to being cuckolded, but would sometimes suggest it.” 

What Factors Influence the Small Endowed Cuckold?

Why do cuckolds want their wives to experience men who have larger penises than they do?   And what is it about the experience that holds such a fascination and excitement for them?   Though there are no absolutes in sexual interests, simply put, cuckolds believe size matters and for the cuckold who is lesser-endowed, this is especially true.  It’s also a result of a lifetime of accumulated experiences which shaped them.  The range of emotions experienced by such a man run the gambit and may include embarrassment, anger, guilt, and anxiety.   Some of the common experiences cuckolds report includes: 

  • Visual Comparisons:  From an early age, males become acutely aware of size differences.  While the size difference may be insignificant at first, over time the disparity in size widens and is visibly noticeable.  Even though these visual comparisons are usually based solely on the comparison of flaccid penises which isn’t a true indicator of size, the differences are still obvious.  This continues into adult hood, where even going to the gym can be an intimidating experience for a man who is underdeveloped.  Punctuating this embarrassment are those occasions when he catches a glimpse of a man who is supremely well-endowed – a man whose penis may be two or three times his size.   The underdeveloped man will feel completely overmatched.   He may wonder for the first time, “What would my wife (or girlfriend) think if she saw such a cock?”  He instinctively knows the answer.   Visual comparisons continue throughout his life and serve as an ongoing reminder he doesn’t measure up.
  • Verbal Comments:   It’s not uncommon for males, especially early on to point out who has a small (or the smallest penis) in the locker room.   A taunt from males is one thing but if he receives comments from females about not measuring up, it’s a whole new ballgame.  An isolated comment is a downer, but if multiple females comment about his small penis size or he’s is smaller than all of their previous lovers will leave an indelible impression on the budding cuckold.
  • Previous Cuckolding Experiences:  Relationships with girlfriends, women or wives along the way will often accentuate these feelings.  If any of the females in his life have taken lovers during the relationship, the man will have already experienced cuckolding, probably without even knowing what it was.
  • Average Penis Size:  He will search the web to find out what the “Average Penis Size” is and how he compares, and he will measure his cock obsessively.  His “research” validates what he already knew – he has a small penis.  In a last-ditch attempt to rectify the situation, he will secretly try every penis enlargement product on the market, but will quickly learn he can’t change what nature gave him.

Acceptance & Arousal

Eventually, many underdeveloped men will resign themselves to the fact their penis is small.  Self-acceptance is a big step for the man who possesses an undersized penis, and it’s a step some men sadly will never reach.  But, if they do acquiesce and accept it, their view on sex and relationships will change rapidly and permanently.  They will learn to accept what has always been a negative feeling about their small cocks and may even turn it into a very powerful and erotic experience.    It’s not uncommon for men in this stage to stumble into the intriguing world of cuckoldry. 

It’s a confusing and bewildering world at first – they find themselves visiting cuckold sites and reading blogs.  For what may be the first time they fantasize about their wife being taken by a man and imagine her having incredible orgasms.   That image is usually followed by intense masturbation culminating in a mind-blowing orgasm never before experienced.   At first they feel confused, perhaps even guilty and experience a flood of colliding and conflicting emotions – they don’t quite understand why they are so turned on.  However, as soon as the guilt dissipates they find themselves fully aroused again and are masturbating and fantasizing about it once more.  They also can’t deny this is the single most incredible, exciting and arousing sexual thought they have ever had. 

At some point, and it’s usually sooner rather than later, the man will realize he is a cuckold.  Technically, he isn’t a cuckold until his wife has sex with another man, but in his mind, he already is a cuckold.  It’s an incredible epiphany for a man.  Gone is the embarrassment and guilt over having a small penis.  These negative emotions and energy are replaced by constant erotic thoughts about his wife – fantasizing about her having sex with other men.  For men who have reached this stage, most report it feels strangely very natural to be a cuckold.

10 Responses to “Part 1: A Woman’s Guide to Creating a Cuckolding Fantasy World”

  1. Slinky Says:

    Can i just say this is an amazing post thats right on the money as far as i’m concerned. You have managed to hit the nail on the head on just about the aspect of cuckolding and the issues and feeling of disappointment, embarrassment, constant envy, humiliation etc. and for myself as i have got older, through to final acceptance and yes even some of the joy, fun and uniqueness of having a smaller penis.

    I think you have written this so well here that i couldn’t have explained to someone who wondered about this lifestyle any better, if i ever spoke to anyone who was interested, i would send them to this blog and have them read this entry.

    Every point you seem to have covered is 100% correct in my eyes, and is scarily accurate for me, from the sexual excitement of a simple anklet on a woman, to the constant “researching” on average penis size, and everything in between.

    Having a smaller penis as a young man was quite isolating in a lot of ways and spent many, many years in denial, years wasted not pursuing sexual partners through fear of being knocked back, humiliated or having the truth released later if the relationship ended bitterly and just solely used masturbation for many years as my only sexual outlet.

    I am pretty open and honest now discussing it now after all these years in my midlife years. The existence of the internet in the last 10 years has helped me immensely, always knowing i wasn’t alone, but now actually being able to discuss it with others who understand, and who have discovered cuckolding as a way finally discovering who they really are and how all the pieces now fit and make sense.

    Please keep up the good work, and i will be dropping in constantly to see your updates.

    Thanks you again and please keep the good work up.

    Slinky

    • play613796 Says:

      Slinky,

      Thank you for the very kind words. I began this blog to provide information to men (like you and me) with small endowments that have had similar life experiences, but have always felt alone, and perhaps unable to express what we are feeling. The word you used to describe your experiences (isolation) is right on the money. Many of us have felt (or are feeling) isolated, embarrassed or angry for having a small penis. It’s time for us to look in our sexual mirrors and accept the fact that we are lesser endowed than most men. It’s also time for us to acknowledge how this has shaped our lives and strive to understand why having a little penis now turn us on. Please feel free to share this blog with other men, and wives of small endowed men that you chat with.

      By the way, feel free to let me know what topics you would like to see covered here. I’m in the process of writing an article that I hope to post soon on small penis humiliation. Lastly, feel free to send me an email (address below) if there is anything you would like to discuss prior to posting.

      Regards,

      Steve (play613796@aol.com)

      • Jon Says:

        Steve, I agree alin with Slinky in all the emotions that go along with living with and trying to accept a small penis. I can understand the fantasy of this lifestyle/experience as well. But I just can not believe this would be a long-term solution or be beneficial to us in the end. I’m afraid the jealousy would overwhelm me. And I think I’m secretly afraid that she would leave me for the guy with the big cock who makes her feel like a real woman. Is that being selfish or just protecting her/us?

  2. Why some couples choose cuckolding? « Threesomes and variations Says:

    [...] Part 1: A Woman’s Guide to Creating a Cuckolding Fantasy World (lovesmallpenis.wordpress.com) [...]

  3. vanessachaland Says:

    I’ve been cuckolding my husband for years. Wouldn’t have it any other way and I could not stand a vanilla lifestyle. Interesting blog you have. :)

  4. play613796 Says:

    Jon,

    The first step for you (& your partner) is to truly and completely accept your small penis size. Once you do, then you have to determine if she is feeling “shortchanged” as a result. If so, you have 3 options: (1) Do nothing, (2) Bring in a lover for her, or (3) Use Dildo’s to compensate for your smaller size;. # 1 is really not an option, unless she is satisfied with you as is, and # 2 is fraught with all kinds of external stuff, plus safety and safe sex concerns, etc. But # 3, could be a more realistic and safer alternative. Just my thoughts! Just out of curiosity, is she satisfied with your size, or needing more?

    • Jon Says:

      Well that is a good question as we have only marginally broached the subject. When I have shared my concerns on my size she has said that I was fine and she never complained. Well that is a far cry from being totally satisfied. And sadly, maybe worse than the size issue is my occasional problem with ED and more common problem with PE. So I have left her wanting/needing more on many occasions. I think I would be ok with and learn to be excited by using a man-sized dildo on her. I just know, as has been relayed on here, afterwards I will feel that much smaller to her. That kind of makes me sad and kind of turns me on!

  5. Jon Says:

    I agree we have to conquer that first step-us both admitting to the truth of my size. Part of me is excited but I bigger part of me is terrified! But I will do it. I think I will use this blog as the conversation starter.

  6. Basilio Says:

    Do any women have cuckold fantasies, that is: watching their man have sex with a more attractive woman?


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