Communication and the Small Penis

How many of you (men and women) have had an open dialogue about “your” small penis?  Men often times avoid the subject at all costs – not wanting to be thought of as “less than a man” or that he doesn’t “measure up” as a man.  Men are also often terrified about being called out by their lovers for having a small penis as well. Hopefully, this blog will help you to start viewing your small endowment in a more positive light – helping you to escape those negative thoughts.  One way to help you on the path to accepting your penis size is to talk about it with your lover in an open and honest way.

Women also avoid the subject at all costs too because they are afraid of hurting his feelings. A common statement from women is, “If I tell him he has a small penis, isn’t that degrading his manhood?”  But if you ask a woman, “If you had small breasts, and your partner told you that, would that be degrading to you?” They typically respond with “Of course not, because it’s the truth.” See my point? It’s time for both men and women to stop viewing the small penis in a negative light and start accepting and celebrating it.

So a persistent question is, is it ever OK to be honest and tell a man he has a small penis?  The answer depends on the man and the situation. In most cases, it’s probably best to err on the side of honesty.  Most men who have a small penis have already realized this fact. If you are in love, you should be able to discuss anything with your lover — especially sex. And, if your partner has already admitted to you that he has a small penis, trust me, it took a lot of courage on his part to admit it to you. Besides, if you are both thinking the same thoughts about his penis anyway, it’s best to just get it out in the open and talk about it.

I read a blog recently that was written by a former female sex therapist, and I thought it was very appropriate to this discussion.  Here is what she wrote:

“As I wrote before, some of my clients were couples. One couple I worked with was very typical. He felt he had a small penis and often wondered about his wife’s ex-boyfriends — sure they were all more endowed than he. His wife ignored his anxiety and tried to just comfort him with the typical talking points: “I don’t think it’s small” and “It doesn’t matter to me.” Both were swimming against their relationship. The key was getting her to open up about sex and to objectify men as sex objects — just for a moment — so that she might begin to understand everything from his perspective. Her husband did have a small penis (4.5 inches in length and 4 inches in girth — measured by his wife in my office). Once she admitted to her husband that his erect penis was below average, he actually seemed a little aroused (no pun intended).”

Surprised? Don’t be. Many men who are small endowed and have come to accept it, get extremely turned on when their partners tell them they have a small penis. That may be difficult for women to understand, so why is that? Because it provides important affirmation of what they already know to be true, but hearing it from their partner is both significant and erotic because they know that their partner is being honest with them and accepting what they have. For some reason, women are surprised to learn this, but generally, most are pleasantly surprised too. Another reason why this may turn on your partner is because it’s the eroticization of a negative feeling. What this means simply is where the thought of having a small penis previously produced negative thoughts, he has learned to mentally view his small endowment in a positive light, and this demonstrates he is experiencing good feelings about his penis, which is a very positive and healthy thing. So, what’s the worst thing you should tell a small endowed man? That his penis is big, looks big, or feels big. Trust me, all he hears if you say any of those things is, “Honey, I wish you had a big one.”

So, if you are a man, have you had a discussion about your penis size with your lover?  If so, how did it go?  If not, why not?  And, if you are a woman, have you discussed your lover’s penis size with him? If so, how did it go?  And if not, why not?

3 Responses to “Communication and the Small Penis”

  1. erin Says:

    I broke up with a man I loved. His penis wasn’t small just not as big as I needed. When I told him it really crushed his ego and ruined his ability to have any future relationship where he didn’t feel inadequate. A little more that a year later he committed suicide. He mailed me a letter telling me he couldn’t live feeling so worthless. He didn’t blame me directly but I will never be over it. My advice is not to tell him and if it a problem for you leave and make up some other reason why.

    • play613796 Says:


      What a tragic story. It’s also ironic that just today, another woman commented on the post, “Tall Men & Small Penises,” asking for advice on how she should break up with a small-endowed man.

      The range of emotions most of us small endowed men have gone through at one time or another run the gambit from depression, anxiety, embarrassment, shame, and anger. Why? Because the penis is the ultimate symbol of our manhood, so, if we judge ourselves lacking in that area it can really crush our spirits.

      This is really at the center of why I created this blog in the first place – to help small endowed men learn to “love their small penises.” When a man is able to embrace his small penis, he is usually able to let go all of that baggage and the negative emotions associated with it. I have, and it’s made a world of difference. Yes, we discuss small penis teasing, using dildos, etc., all in fun and for many of us that have fun with these activities, it’s because we have good relationships. But, before any of that kind of play can be indulged in and enjoyed, there must be small penis acceptance first, and regrettably, there are many guys who have yet to reach that place. My heart goes out to them because I know it’s an uncontrollable.

      As a side note, just so you know you’re not the only women who ended a relationship due to penis size. Before I met my wife, I had been with 8 different women – all of whom I was unable to satisfy sexually, and each one explained to me that my small penis was the reason they attributed it to. While I never felt “worthless” as a man, I did feel sexually inadequate. So, men do react to this “truth” differently. Some men just can’t accept the fact that the size of their small penis is the reason why a woman would break up with them.

      I have spoken to a number of lesser endowed men who have been told this by women, and almost all of them said they appreciated a woman’s honesty. But, I know many small endowed guys, especially those who have yet to accept their penis size would be crushed. So, there is no need to crush the spirit of a “nice and amazing” man. So yes, I would agree with you and cite some other reason – general incompatibility or something else.

      Thank you for your genuine and heartfelt comments. My heart goes out to you for having to go through something like you described.

  2. mike Says:

    I once, no more, had a girlfriend, who was quite direct with me as to how unimpressed she was with my size. She was quite “warmly taunting” about it. Teasing but with an “edge”. There became an element of “fem dom” in our relationship related to this. She’d have me “do things” for her – to, essentially, “compensate”. These were not all sexual at all – there were elements of “chores”, “errands” etc etc. It was not always said I sometimes it was said) that I “needed” to work harder for her. I adored her, totally, and was willing. Yup, embarrassing at times but it really worked for both of us. I got to stay with her and she got a ton done for her – laundry, shopping, 90% of things. It may sound odd but I was glad I could make it up to her in this way.

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