A few years ago, I stumbled upon excerpts from a fascinating book by Alex Hathaway called, “From Housewife to Cuckoldress.” What I read was such a major turn on for me, that one night I began sharing it with my wife, and to my pleasant surprise, while I was describing it to her, she grabbed her iPad, bought and downloaded it on the spot! I read it cover-to-cover and couldn’t put it down.
It was a very erotic and captivating book for several reasons. First, it was written by a woman who really understood the subject. Secondly, it really delved into the psychological aspects of it from both the male and female perspectives. And third, the sex scenes were very erotic. As she described on her blog, “While the sex in From Housewife to Cuckoldress is what you might call “best case scenario” sex – orgasms all around – I wanted it to capture the special intensity that cuckold sex can have.” Needless to say, I would highly recommend From Housewife to Cuckoldress, and her second book, The Education of a Cuckold.
Lastly, I want to give my wife credit for suggesting that I try reaching out to Alex to see if she would do an interview. I wasn’t sure where to turn, but I contacted Fanny Press in hopes that they might know how I could contact Alex to see if she would be willing to do an interview. To my surprise, they responded immediately and made the connection for me. So, I would like to give a special “Thank you,” to Fanny press for arranging the interview, and of course, to Alex for agreeing to do it.
I hope you enjoy the Interview!
- Tell us a little bit about yourself, and how long have you been writing adult erotic literature?
Alex: I have been a writer all my life. It was only more recently I recalled the example of Henry Miller, Anais Nin and others who found a catharsis in erotic writing. I had written a few short stories, but my first erotic writing was really From Housewife to Cuckoldress, the first of two published books in an ongoing series on cuckolding.
It made a huge difference to contact a progressive press like Fanny Press and develop a great relationship with them. They have been indispensable in my journeys from draft to publications that actually get in readers’ hands.
It’s probably clear from my writing that I have experience in alternative sexual communities, from BDSM to open relationships of various flavors. But when I write about these taboos, I try to draw out distinct evolutions in identity, rather than just explore kink for its own sake.
- How would you describe your writing style, and what do you think are the key components in writing a really good and captivating erotic story?
Alex: My erotic writing style is really character driven. While my first protagonist was female, and the second was male (Education of a Cuckold), my focus is really on the core of their crisis in identity and how they move towards understanding/resolution. To me that is fascinating – coming to terms with sexual identity, acceptance, turning flaws into strengths. I try to be ruthlessly honest to the process the character is going through. Hot sex scenes don’t hurt either – I try to spice up the books with the kinds of explicit cuckold sex you won’t find in too many other places. But those sex scenes only work in the context of working through those identity riddles. At least that’s how I see it.
If I can entertain while giving the reader a feeling for how a particular character moved through sexual dilemmas into some kind of empowerment or acceptance, to me that’s a good story.
- Would you describe your books to be short stories, novellas, or full length novels?
Alex: I would say long novellas. In the form I use, I’m able to explore a sexual evolution beyond what you could get in a short story. On the other hand, I don’t think these are novels because typically in my work, it’s the main character in each story that gets fleshed out the most. Then I move on to the next novella if you will.
- What inspired you to write the book, “From Housewife to Cuckoldress How I Took Sexual Control of a Marriage in Crisis?”
Alex: I have always felt a fascination with cuckolding from a female perspective. How does a cuckoldress evolve? It’s a story not often told. I see cuckolding as kind of a feminist Trojan horse. A true cuckold relationship opens up all kinds of sexual empowerment possibilities for the woman in the relationship that are not widely understood in our culture. (Open relationships are better known but often come from a male-oriented ‘swinging culture’). Feminist thinking has not embraced cuckoldry to this point, but that’s not going to stop me from writing about the woman’s point of view in these situations.
- Cuckolding appears to be gaining in popularity and is a fascinating topic. What do you attribute to the growing interest in this kind of relationship?
Alex: We are entering the realm of strong views which all readers may not accept. But in my opinion a sexually empowered, modern (heterosexual) woman is at high risk of finding herself in a long term relationship with someone she may love but who is not challenging/exciting to her sexually in a jugular way. I don’t usually use the “beta male” lingo, but I think there are many men who either struggle to sexually please the women in their lives, or even if they don’t, a part of them has doubts about that which are sexually charged.
For the man, cuckolding addresses those fears in a very jugular way by imagining the girlfriend/wife being pleased in a way that the man cannot. Whether that’s a reality in the relationship, or strictly a fantasy, it’s a very potent one. This gets at some fundamental questions of cultural conditioning versus primal sexual desires.
I don’t happen to believe that women are meant to be monogamous, for example. In general, I believe once women have a primary pair bonding based on caregiving criteria (the responsible father), they are meant to continue to be sexual beyond that bonding. In other words, by choosing a long term pairing mate, the woman is likely sacrificing other male attributes pertaining to pure sexual ability and chemistry. She thinks to herself, “I’m glad I got those (alpha males) out of my system when I was younger,” but life doesn’t work like that. Sooner or later, those desires come back – with a vengeance. I see that as natural and healthy, but against the grain of cultural norms.
In my work, that female sacrifice inherent in (most) pairing selections becomes a ticking time bomb more often than not. Cuckolding frees us up to talk about what the time bomb is and reckon with it before it blasts off, creating cheating and distrust. Ironically, most – though not all – men are much better suited for devoted monogamy. Assuming they are paired properly.
And that’s why I personally think cuckolding has such a primal appeal. I realize not everyone sees it this way. Some just see cuckolding as a fun way of spicing up a loving relationship – either in fantasy or actual practice. Or they see it as a prism of male sexual fantasy. Which is true and can be a lot of fun. But the onion unravels much, much further.
Such “spicing up” is totally fair game, but for many couples I know, cuckolding’s appeal goes much deeper. As for “Why cuckolding now?” I would point you towards trends in female sexual empowerment in Western cultures, combined with increasing sexual openness and introspection in men.
- What do you think is the biggest misconception about a cuckolding relationship?
Alex: There are plenty, mostly because there are as many varieties of cuckolding as there are flowers in the backyard. And if it works for you, then it works.
I did write about how cuckolds are NOT losers for Fanny Press: http://alexcuckoldstories.fannypress.com/?p=27
I also see a big difference between a “hot wife” and a “cuckoldress” which I also wrote about: http://alexcuckoldstories.fannypress.com/?p=35
If I had to pick one misconception above all others, it’s the idea that cuckolding is some kind of dysfunctional or cheating situation that involves either deception or wallowing in poor self-esteem. The classic definition of a cuckold implied the cheating part. Whereas I see cuckolding as a very healthy and viable relationship option for the right couple.
- You followed up your first book with “The Education of a Cuckold: A Story of Love, Lust, and Fate.” What led you to want to write this book?
Alex: Well, in the first book, I primarily looked at the female psychology of becoming a cuckoldress, and what a woman has to overcome to embrace a cuckoldress identity and claim her sexual power in a relationship. In The Education of a Cuckold, I looked at the male evolution of a cuckold, starting at a young adult age. At that point, our character’s intense sexual experiences got mixed into a “Wait, I thought I was an alpha male” sexual identity crisis. Then, despair and loneliness. Cuckolding gradually emerges as a way of pushing through that crisis. I see the second book as complementing the first from a psychological perspective.
- In both of your books, the cuckolds are small endowed. In your opinion do you think lesser endowed men are more likely to gravitate to cuckolding, or do you think cuckolding is more of a “mindset” than a penis measurement?
Alex: Great question! I see cuckolding as a psycho-sexual playground available to all, male or female, regardless of sexual orientation. Cuckolding is a very specific variation on the dynamics of dominance and submission that are common to BDSM subcultures. As each of us opens up sexually, we come to understand both our dominance and our submission. We also reckon with intense feelings of jealousy or control. We all land differently in these power dynamics. Some of us are more “switch”, whereas some of us discover we are much more submissive than we realized. Cuckolding is a great avenue to explore these tendencies, many of which can surprise us! So yes, it’s a mindset first and foremost.
I’ve known men of all penis sizes who are cuckolds (and who fantasize about being cuckolds). That said I do believe that small penis men are particularly drawn to cuckolding, for reasons I think are understandable.
Many men have found that feelings of inadequacy can be exciting to explore sexually with their partners. Emotionally-charged issues of jealousy and performance can be wonderful to explore, even if they bring a painful edge.
But I do think small penis men find cuckolding at a more primal level. I’ve known small penis men, for example, who felt that cuckolding was really their only way forward sexually. In other words, while anyone can explore cuckolding, small penis men may almost feel forced into it by genetic circumstance. That can be highly liberating and arousing.
And while feelings of inadequacy are common amongst men, there is a particular intensity when a man realizes the perception is not just a fantasy but the reality: on some level he is sexually inadequate to his partner. For men who have not been told the truth about such things, it can be both shocking and liberating to encounter a woman who is willing to be open about such matters, especially in a loving and compassionate way.
This is fertile ground for the small penis man, who can now seek out cuckold relationships where no topics are taboo. Or: cuckolding can simply be a way for the small penis man to open up an arena of role play and fantasizing and, most of all, truly honest sexual communication, with one’s partner, who may be thrilled to realize she no longer needs to sugar coat her desires and preferences. Not to mention openly sharing past experiences with well-endowed partners! It’s not a surprise small penis men are drawn to this, after years of nibbling around the truth and wondering what women really think.
- Who is your target audience – men, women or both, and has anything surprised you about your audience?
Alex: My audience is really folks who are looking for erotically charged books that explore taboos around cuckolding. I write for men and for women both, because I feel cuckolding is a shared adventure. Hopefully the audience enjoys the psychological evolution of my characters, but I would never impose an agenda on a reader. I feel I can’t worry too much about the audience but try to write authentically about things that matter, and hope it comes across.
- Do you have any plans on writing other books in the future, and if so, are you planning on writing any additional books on cuckolding, or are there other subjects or themes you are considering?
Alex: I’m not done with cuckolding anytime soon! I still see quite a bit untapped here. I’m currently working on a third book of erotic fiction on cuckolding themes, which will also be with Fanny Press. I am hoping to round out psychological themes in cuckolding relationships in the future. My next book is from a woman’s point of view again, which is probably my comfort level. The book starts to delve more into the psychology of the “bull,” the so-called alpha male that is important to bringing cuckolding themes to their peak.
I don’t think the role of the so-called bull is well understood, and it impacts the females in cuckolding situations just as much as the men – if not more so. This next book puts the central protagonist, a woman, on the spot if you will, as she is confronted by the sexual implications of being married to a cuckolding bull. Needless to say this is not an easy thing, but it makes for some exciting situations. That’s about all I can say until I finish it.
- What formats are your books available in, and for people who might be interested in checking out your books, where can they find them?
Alex: I’m going to let Fanny Press answer that question as they work hard to make the books widely available. But I will say I am excited the first book, “From Housewife to Cuckoldress” has an audio version.
Fanny Press: Housewife to Cuckoldress is available in audio on Audible.com, iTunes, and Amazon. Both From Housewife to Cuckoldress and Education of a Cuckold are available on Amazon.com, BN.com, the European Amazons, and Amazon Japan. You can order them at any bookstore as well, and they are available in multiple eBook formats. Here are the links to the announcement pages, where you can find all the buy links:
Thanks for these terrific questions; I hope your readers enjoy the Interview. Keep up the great work on the lovesmallpenis blog.
Thank you for the Interview! We look forward to reading more of your books in the future!